Holidays, longer days.

Since I’ve updated last, I’ve got my husband and boys back with me.
We’re snug in our new apartment, and Christmas was amazing.
Brandon’s really enjoying working at Stella’s and doing his externship there.

On a more difficult note (because there always is one with me)
We went to the high risk doctor yesterday and although we got to see beautiful Lillian Rose blink and kick away, they noticed that my cervix is already giving out, which is not good.
I go back next week for steroid shots, which are supposed to help her lungs and other organs develop quicker if she were to be born early. They’ve placed me on bedrest again.
I went one month without bedrest. ONE. And now i’m back on it again.
I know I shouldn’t be complaining, and it feels like that all I ever do. But it’s just so hard when I am at home by myself with the cats/dog. I”m so lonely, and now I can’t even get up.
I’ll do anything for my baby girl, I’ve already done a lot and will continue to do more, it’s just so frustrating.
I’m terrified she’ll be born early.
I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t go home without my baby.
Or if I couldn’t even hold her the first month or so, having to watch her be hooked up to tubes and machines…
I don’t know if I can handle it all, and on top of this stress, we have to get so much done before she gets here.
Her room is a mess and I haven’t even gotten the chance to get her much due to my lack of going places. :/
We’re going to be bumping up the baby shower, so I’m hoping that will help and take some stress off me…
And that is what’s been going on in the stress that is my brain.


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