Look!

-fishies everywhere!

Today has just been one of those beautiful days. Dovie has been so sweet, hardly fussed, eaten all her bottles and just been a complete angel. Yesterday on the other hand was horrible…

She fussed all day long, screaming on and off like she was in complete agony, whaling and fighting her sleep. It was awful. I couldn’t even take her anywhere with fear of a mental breakdowns from both of us.
So we stated at home. And we rocked, and bounced and swayed and walked and talked and sang and did everything you could possibly think of to calm her down, and none of it would work.
Now she’s always been a fussy baby. Anywhere we go, she can’t stay still long enough for me to shop, she prefers if no one touches her or even really talks to her unless I am in birds-eye-view, but yesterday, I was completely at my wits end. Thank God for my wonderful mommy, who will talk to me when I’m crying and feel like I can’t do it anymore, and I’m happy she’s there to reassure me that one of my little sisters was that way, and that ‘this too shall pass.’

And thank God for my friend who stayed with me and let me know that it was ok, and that sometimes babies just scream. And to keep me company, watching Jon and Kate plus 8, Teen Mom and 18 kids and counting. (Netflix, I love you). So, that was my day. Hair a blaze, tears fleeing from my eyes and her eyes. What a day.

But. Like I said, today. BEAUTIFUL. So, so so wonderful. I love to see her so happy and content. I’m really hoping this fussy stage pases and that she starts to grow more confident as a little bird. I am a little too hovering when it comes to my child and letting other people deal with her, but she’s my entire world, and I have to do things my way. I’m ocd and controlling beyond belief, and I’ve been asking God to please let some of that go. I’ll send all my anxiety with him, and let me be free from it.

It’s irritating when I have to rush back in the house, double check the coffee to make sure it’s off (touch it twice) touch all the knobs on the stove/oven, check my straightener (touching yet again) and then double check the patio and front door are locked like, a zillion times.
I’m really wanting this to end, and it used to not be this bad. But ever since I’ve had Lillian, I’m paranoid. People throwing cigarettes on the ground. HELLO. We’re in ‘extreme wildfire’ conditions, are you retarded?! Throw it away in water or something! Just everything catchs my eye and then my brain begins to roll, never really seeming to stop….

Hum. So tiring..Probably why my immune system is terrible and i’m exhausted 24/7.
These steroids and Z-pack that the doctor gave me has really been working! And I really hope it continues, because I love having energy and not feeling like i’m dragging constantly.

If I could update from my phone (other than pictures) I would update a lot more. But Lillian loves taking cat-naps throughout the day. 15-30 minutes here and there. Never really a long nap, but she’s been doing decent at night so i’m not complaining.
As of now, she’s awake already (sigggghhh) so I got a bit of internet/me time in.
Until next time,

XOXO!

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