The pouting post.

I’m feeling really down on myself today.
Since I’ve switched Dove to soy, she’s been a way better baby. (yay!)
We’re still having some trouble sleeping, but during the day she’s amazing.
I really think I made a good mama move by doing this, but the only thing that’s worrying me is her appetite.
It’s decreased a lot in the past couple of weeks, so I took her to the doctor today to rule out an ear infection/sickness.
She’s fine.
She’d rather be playing and looking around than eating, – so I’m hoping this passes.
She’s gaining weight still and wetting diapers normally.
So, all in all. Yay. Good news, right!?

It all goes back to if I were breastfeeding none of these things would ever happen.
I wouldn’t stress about if I were feeding her the right formula. If I was giving her enough. Blah, blah blah.
For instance, when she was 2 weeks old and got RSV and pnemonia, she wouldn’t have gotten it if I were breastfeeding.
All of her colic problems and fussiness, are they all due to formula? Is it all my fault because my hormones suck ass?

I wanted so badly to breastfeed.
It’s always been planned out in my head that I’d breastfeed my children.
I want the best for them.
And to this day I still crave it.
Sometimes I cry reading all of the other mom’s posts about breastfeeding their babies. And I get down on myself and literally cry. When I was breastfeeding Dove, she wouldn’t latch right but I still kept at it, and used a shield. I loved the feeling of our skin on skin contact and the way I would wake up in the middle of the night to find her asleep on my chest. We were one, and so close.

I really wish I hadn’t have gotten Post Partum Depression.
I wish I didn’t have to be on anti-depressants so I could breastfeed.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I haven’t written about it on here because I haven’t found the time to write something that serious, and, well, it brings up really bad memories for me. Making me feel real shitty about myself.
I miss breastfeeding, even though I did it only a week and a half.

And that’s my pouty post.
Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I a freak of nature for craving the closeness of my child and missing it?

I promise my next post won’t be so down.
Pinkey Promise.


2 thoughts on “The pouting post.

  1. First of all, Your baby would probably still get sick – even if you were breastfeeding. Secondly, I breastfeed and my boys are doing the same thing, they won't eat because they're more interested in looking around and playing than staying latched. And thirdly, even though I breastfeed, I crave using it as a time to bond. Mostly it's jut stressful because nursing two babies at once is so difficult and such an ordeal. We all go through this.
    No matter our circumstances, even if we breastfeed. Even if we have two babies.


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