Like, making up a boot camp for your baby because she refused to be rocked by you anymore. She only wanted to be in bed to go to bed, so I made her rock with me (because I missed it) and now she only wants to be rocked constantly, all the time. (I know, I should’ve left it alone, but I missed it so much and just wanted to bond with her more.) Bleh. I don’t even care, I love snuggeling with her and feeling her chest go up and down against my chest. #REAL
Another thing is that I feel disconnected with my husband. I know that having a baby puts a strain on your marriage and that you have to barrel through to find yourselves again and not just be “mommy & daddy.” and honestly, it’s hard as hell. If we’re not together (which he works a ton) we’re usually bickering about money/the baby/animals/food/and really anything and everything. We still joke around, but things just aren’t as funny when you’re always tired. And the romance isn’t very romantic when you’re tired. I miss my husband, and I miss myself. I miss what we used to be before Lilly. I am in no way saying I regret my daughter, because truth is she is my heart and soul and reason for being on this earth. But I really do miss Brandon and Sasha. So, if my adoring husband reads this, know that I really do love you. And that we fight out of lack of sleep/time for ourselves and change. Not because we don’t love each other. I’ll always and forever love you. #REAL
So, one last thing. Is anyone still paranoid about their baby getting SIDS or am I just an OCD freakazoid? Every night I get up to check on Lilly at least 3/4 times. I lean in real close to hear her breathing, and then go back to bed. Sometimes I even wake her up just to make sure (because I’m crazy, and I feed her and put her back down.) That always results in her sleeping in a little, so it’s not so bad really. So, as I have been checking on her and she’s become mobile. (Rolling EVERYWHERE) she’s been burying her head against the crib bumper. I keep freaking out and moving her, but it always ends up the same. So today we finally broke down and bought an breathable bumper that is made of mesh so if her face is pressed against it, she won’t suffocate herself or get her arms and limbs caught in-between the crib slats. Go me. Maybe now I won’t be as paranoid, but I can promise you I’ll still be up hoving over her crib like a cloud. #REAL
And that’s all for my #realtalk, until next time.