Lately, things haven’t been going so smoothly here at the household, and I’m not afraid to talk about this because I know a lot of people deal and have dealt with the same thing.
I miss myself.
I miss being the nerdy, happy-go-lucky girl that would paint, play video games and read in her spare time. The one that would enjoy walking around places and jumping and singing around. The one that would tell jokes constantly and enjoyed going to school. (college that is, never high school. never.) I miss writing and taking pictures. I still do that, here in the little blog, but it’s not like I used to write for the newspaper or just write to write in general. Or xanga. Ah, xanga.
Anyway, I miss my husband. I miss how we used to be and how we used to just drive around in the car listening to music. We’d go out to eat, and we’d just play all day long. It was probably the most magical time in my life. Probably the happiest too, except when I was a child of course. But honestly what can beat out a childhood of running around the block on your scooter and drinking kool-aid? Nothing.
Ah. To be young.
I absolutely love my little dove. Love her so much. I never though I could love something so much in my entire life. I never knew I would have such a bond with such a little tiny being.
But who am I now besides Lilly mommy? I love being a mommy, I’ve wanted to be one since I was little, with baby dolls and my barbies. I love it. It’s my dream job and I’ve got it.
I guess the entirety of this post is that I miss doing things I used to do pre-mommy. Painting, reading, writing, etc. I miss it and I need to find myself again.
Instead of taking a nap when Lilly does or doing the dishes and laundry, I’m going to try to read a book, paint my nails and possibly start painting things for Lillian’s. I’m also going to pick up crocheting. Because let’s face it, I can’t freaking knit worth crap. Or sew. I’m physically incapable or doing stuff like that, but damnit I am going to try my best to make a hat. Not just a rectangle.
And that’s all I have for this post.
I need help finding myself again.
I’m really going to try.