My whole life I’ve always been anxious. Since I’ve been a kid, it’s always been a thing. As hassle. A part of me. Since I’ve been older, married and had a baby(s), it’s gotten worse. I’m on medication for it- but nothing ever rids you if your anxiety.
It’s a battle I deal with daily. It’s different everyday. Some mornings it’s just the thought of getting out of bed, Lillian up, both of us dressed and out the door by 7:30 am.
Some nights it’s going to bed with too much on my mind, racing and preventing sleep.
During the mid-day it’s usually my to-do lists. This is my biggest downfall. I feel like there is never enough time in the day to get things done. There is always something. I will clean and clean for hours, and finally sit down.. Only to see play-doh scraps stuck in the carpet or mud on the tile I just mopped.
I know being an adult, mother and wife your job is never done. But the days of daunting laundry, dishes and constant shit that piles up over a span of 10 minutes gets to me.
I turn into a monster.. Wanting things done. It’s awful, and I wish I could just sit the hell down and not mind the crackers Lillian is eating on the couch getting everywhere. But I can’t. For the love of me and no matter how high I up my dosage for Zoloft. I cringe.
So, here’s to battling this constant battle. Which has gotten worse since I’m almost 8 months pregnant and can’t beast mode clean my house like I used to. My body contracts and tells me to sit down after 15 minutes of housework/anything. So I’m listening to it- keeping the baby snug until she’s ready. But it’s hard. It’s so, so hard.
I will wait patiently… But my OCD / anxiety and nesting mode is on high alert, so everyone beware.
Anyway, this face ^ and the face below make it all worth it; always.