In this season of motherhood..

I have a lot to say and don’t really know how to put it into words.
I also have laundry piled all around me on the couch and I have no intention of putting it up. I also think I’m sitting on Cheerios.

My kitchen is still a wreck from last nights dinner. Is there really a point to ever clean it? Cook, eat, clean. Now that Violet eats little bits of food, I have to add cleaning the highchair to my list. It’s constant. I love cleaning, but man, it’s even getting too much for me. Crumbs pile up at least 5 times a day, even after I sweep there is still shit stuck to the bottom of my feet. Maybe I’ll just start wearing shoes around the house so I don’t feel how filthy my floors are. Idk.

I feel like Christmas break wasn’t even a break. We went and went and went and did and did and did…it was constant. No break at all. I’m tired and need a break from the break. We almost all got the stomach bug during it..which is no fun. Like, a stomach bug for Christmas- seriously? Just when I thought I was in the clear, I got it. Thankfully, and knocking on all the wood that V doesn’t get it. Its been a few days so who knows.

I’m so stupid tired lately that I don’t even know why I’m walking around the house with toilet paper in my hand. Like, I think I was going to put it on the roll..but I just carried it around for about 20 minutes. Violet hasn’t been sleeping well, like eating and up every’s insane. I just lay there and am sucked dry all through the night. She’s the true epitome of a bobbie monster.

The day back to school I took Violet do the doctor, and just as I suspected ears. AGAIN. I’m so tired of ear infections. I know looking back that Lillian had them too and outgrew them…hoping its the same with Violet. Either way, her little tummy can’t handle antibiotics well- so we thought it’d be best to do rocephin shots again..3 times..3 days..I take her to the doctor and she gets a shot. Today is thankfully the last day. If we get another ear infection, its the the ENT we go.

I’m tired of doctors offices. SO TIRED. Speaking of, Lillian goes to her first appointment Thursday for some therapy. (It’s for adhd and that’s all I really want to say on that matter. Poor baby has had a hard couple of weeks with focusing and I’m choosing this route before medication.)

I’ve been watching Gilmore girls, and I’m finally getting into it. Violet dances to the opening song constantly, so of course I had to download it. It’s her jam and she calms down most the time in the car to it. (Yes, she still screams in the car.)

Lately I’ve been catching myself wondering why everything seems to be just so hard with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have a beautiful life. I feel like my children are just so needy. Violet literally follows me around the house crying if I’m not holding her. My arm hurts from holding her all the time. What do I do? Do I let her cry it out? Is it because of her ears? Why is she nursing so much? I feel like I’m just constantly going and going..I never get to just sit. Thats life. Lillian has been extremely difficult too lately. Wild, as usual. But a little more difficult, being needy and just all around crazy. Attitude like you wouldn’t believe, and I feel like grounding doesn’t work. And neither does spanking. Or timeout. And that’s why we’re going to therapy…it’s her adhd I’ve been reading….I don’t know. I feel like I’m drowning and I know nothing. Nothing about anything. Just that my kids are extremely difficult and if I don’t get a break soon I’m going to crack and pull a Britney and shave my head.

Ah motherhood, no one ever thinks that when you’re pregnant and that little baby comes out that you will always have ups and downs..highs and lows…crying and laughing…I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I’m tired. Man, so tired.

This is was completely long and stupid. I still have laundry around me and I’ve debated on even clicking publish on this for about an hour…


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